Anything But Planning

Last night I went to the Soul Train Awards in Atlanta, GA. Seriously here is how my past 24 hours went: make-up, dress up, limousines, red carpet, great show (tribute to Chaka Kahn OMG she was fabulous), party like a rock star, dragged myself back to hotel, late night burger, phone smooching with Jason, passed out, up at 7, airport, 2 planes, one layover, back in my car, to grocery store, to carpool line, back home, dinner, homework, and here we are... GLASS OF WINE WITH LAPTOP.

*sigh*

Today was the 3rd time Jason has ever cooked dinner since we've been together. These steaks taste like leather. Note to self: bring this up in pre-marital counseling. I will never understand how the same man who can grill anything to perfection, cannot operate a simple gas stove.

I have not returned to the gym. I am protesting as a form of allegiance to the protection of the failing donut industry. Somebody has to take up for the little (haha) people. Jason is upset because he's paying for my gym membership. Apparently I have to go tomorrow. Or else.

I realize that that our wedding is less than 260 days away (July '10) and time is slipping by me. I have NOTHING. A friend threatened to strap me into her car and drive me around to venues until I pick a place. That's probably the best approach.

Wait... I do have something. The catering menus have been sent to me, and I am picking out the food and getting a price. But here's the battle: Jason, with a straight face, informed me that he wanted "soul food" for our wedding. I will be delicate in my approach to shoot him down, and looking out for you, dear potential guest, as I realize you probably don't want to have fried chicken grease all over your face in my wedding pics, which are bound to be published in all the best publications.

Till later, smooches.

Oh and here's a picture of me and one of my very best friends in the world (and a Matron of Honor for my wedding) last night at the Soul Train Awards:

Love and Marriage

I’m a little reflective today (the muscle relaxers are wearing off, my body is returning to normal). Got nervous about the institution of marriage for the first time this week, and I guess it’s time to really determine, is a serious way, how to do the damn thing. I can’t wait to read the New York Times Magazine Article about the Obamas marriage due to come out this week. Because Michelle said it’s not easy. If your husband is the Leader of the Free World and you still wanna punch him in the gut for doing asinine things sometimes, then what chance do I have? I’ve always subscribed to the theory that “I don’t care who you are or what you do, the trash needs to go out and YOU need to do it!” I suppose if ever there’s an exception to that rule, it would be if in fact Jason was POTUS.

We’ve always had “Couple Icons”. Couples who we look to as examples of the kind of marriage we would like to have in order to secure an enduring union. It isn’t always easy. My parents have been married and divorced, married and divorced, married and divorcd… TO EACH OTHER. For some reason, my mother kept insisting she could make it work with someone who I could have told her, had I been her girlfriend instead of her child, “keep it moving, lady!” My father didn’t grow up till he was 55. The irony is, today, I think they’d make a great couple. They are great friends. But in 1975, and 1985 (and 1995!)…not so much. So no, they’re not exactly a “couple icon”. Jason’s parents are still married. Unique and funny, they have raised a wonderful family.

But our true Couple Icons are people who we consider contemporaries, who we are watching regularly as they strive to love each other, raise kids etc. My cousin and her husband are in their early-mid forties and are coming up on their 20th anniversary. In fact, like Jason, Darrell was a professional football player when they married. Mostly we think they’re a couple icon because we love their kids. Smart, respectful, funny…one just like mom, one just like Dad. The best thing about my cousin Julia and her husband is that in 20 years, I think I have heard Darrell utter a total of a hundred words. I wish Jason to model himself after that, LOL!

Another one of our Couple Icons are friends of ours who have a total of four kids together (blended family), but still manage to call us in the middle of a random Saturday and ask if we want to join them in the park for a picnic with wine and finger sandwiches… just the couples. I mean who does that? They do and I love it. Because they remain romantic in the midst of their busy lives.

I became reflective today because I had another Couple Icon…friends who had been married for 12 years. When my girlfriend told me earlier this week that they were divorcing, I felt as if I’d been punched in the stomach. I immediately thought of their two beautiful kids, and then of the other things which seem petty but really aren’t…. but what about the houses, the cars??? The pension plans??? THE HEALTH INSURANCE??? I could not fathom. I began to panic. How could they both be such wonderful “iconic” people, and not make it work? If they can’t do it, what about me?

So I decided to pray about it, and later I’ll share it with Jason . Just my food for thought for this week.

On an entirely different note, I’m back in the gym tomorrow. I’ll post, if my fingers are still mobile. .....till then, ciao.
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Here we are with some of our couple icons (the two ladies are two of my bridesmaids):

The Gym is The Devil

I have a pulled muscle in my back. I can barely move. Yesterday, I successfully transitioned from the elliptical to the treadmill and the bike. I've yet to graduate to pilates, and at this rate, I never will. I did gain some valuable information, which I will share. I need to rotate my workouts so that my body doesn't become conditioned to one type of exercise. Therefore, I can continue to throw the elliptical in the mix every now and then. Not that I'm looking forward to that. So, how I pulled my muscle is that I've been doing that exercise...."weight lifting" or whatever you want to call it...the one in order to get rid of that flab under your arms. "The Oprah Arms" I call it. So I've been doing this particular exercise and then I heard Jason's evil voice in my head telling me that the weights I use aren't heavy enough to have an impact on my arm-flab. (As I mentioned these were the kinds of "encouraging" things he used to say to me when we worked out together in the off-season). So, today I decide to kick it up a notch, and used some ridiculously heavy (10lb) weights to do this exercise and here I am. I crawled out of the gym and into my car and painstakingly drove home. I'm about to "borrow" some muscle relaxers from my mom/pharmacist.

I really want to be one of those people who are happy about working out. Who love it, who enjoy it. But I'm not, and I never will be. I do not like the gym. I do not like Brick Bodies, with their happy little workers, helpful little trainers, and million and one locations within a 5 mile radius of my house, all mocking me on the days I drive by without making eye contact with the building. I do not like the Brick family (they love Jason), with their lively little commercials and mumble jumble about fit and healthy lifestyles. I no longer even like bricks. However, I will return there faithfully (after I recover), because I'm on a mission!!!!

www.brickbodies.com for those of you who want to torture yourselves or want to join me in torturing myself.

Planning Meeting

So the first planning meeting for My Big Fat Fabulous No-Date Wedding went nowhere. And by nowhere I mean, absolutely nowhere. I know no more today than I knew at this time 48 hours ago! Such BS. I “hire” people to keep me on task, to push me farther, to organize and come up with solutions to my many conundrums (“hire” is in quotes, as I have not actually “employed with intent to pay” per se, so much as begged friends for participation).

Instead they show up with wine, and crabs, and the next thing I know we are three hours (and three bottles) into a discussion on inter-racial relationships and Wanda Sykes’ half funny HBO special, and then it’s Saturday morning, and I wake up only to realize I STILL DON’T HAVE A COLOR SCHEME, A RECEPTION VENUE, or even a concrete number of how many hostesses are going to be necessary for this shindig!

And then there’s Jason. What good is he again? We just webcammed, and although I was happy to see his face because I miss him, he flat out refused to go over possible on-line registries with me! Day 5, and I’m spinning out of control. So glad there’s leftover wine from last night.

Single Again

No, not Really. But Jason is off to work again (yay!) and I am all alone.

Hint to girlfriends: I am available for dinner and cocktails at any of the following places:
1) The new Stoney River in Towson (ahem..Temika???)
2) Ironbrige Wine Company
3)Salt ...

(There will be no wedding talk I pro...---can't promise).

At least when Jason's gone my productivity increases triplefold!

I skipped the gym today...wonder why??? My thighs feel like I've been pummeled by a gang of midgets.

Tomorrow my maid of honor's mom slash wedding manager is coming over to help me with my "preliminary organizing". I can't even come up with a color scheme. The one thing that I told Jason, "You decide" and collectively we came up with nothing. I have also completed the task of asking my girlfriends about being brides maids. Universally they accepted, with one in particular mumbling something about "You asked me 3 years ago, and I said yes then."

Oh and just a note about the joy of blogging about my wedding. You will meet some interesting characters in this blog. Whenever possible, I will post pictures of the folks in question, just so you can put a name to a face, and a possibly embarrassing story.

My maid of honor & her mom, with me:

The Proposal

*First of all, I went to the gym this morning. The goal is to be super skinny by July. And by superskinny, I mean, I want people to wonder if I'm hitting the pipe (but still with all my teeth and a cute full face) or anorexic. I want to be half the woman I am today. So I hit the elliptical---hard---for hours nonstop (16 minutes). I was sweaty and felt fabulous. Then I talked to one of my BFFs who told me that the elliptical will make my butt big. OMG! That is the very last thing I need to enlarge. WTF was I doing??? Anyway, within an hour I felt worn, tired,drained, beat down, useless. My legs are still wobbly, my head is pounding, and after a few meetings, at which I could barely concentrate, I came home and spent the rest of the afternoon googling lipsocution***

Note to self: figure out this working out thing. It doesn't help when your mate is an athlete. He's been ridiculing me, laughing at me...really condescending because I cannot bench press 200 pounds and such***


But anyway, I wanted to talk about how Jason proposed. I could make this story all flowery and romantic and beautiful, because he straight-up told me last night that this blog was stupid and he never intended to read it. Still I'll stick to the truth, which in its own way was beautiful nonetheless and even if it wasn't...it's all I got.

When a couple has been together for some time, and like I said, are already building a life together, and have discussed "the future" you already know you're getting married. He asked pretty early on would I marry him "one day". Little did I know, "one day" meant "someday" or more accurately "whenever". About a year or so ago, I began to realize. That "one day" was far too abstract. So we set a year, and it came and went until finally I decided to make an executive decision. I gave him a deadline. Jason wanted to have everything in life "just so" before we set a date. New house, new cars, new...whatever. Football was first...he needed a better contract, a more secure situation, etc etc, and although I understood, I began to get impatient.

So when he finally decided that he'd better secure OUR future even as he still works on pursuing his career, he said one night as we lay in bed, "I picked out some rings, wanna see?" Of course I did, so we looked at pictures of what the jeweler had sent and then he said "So I guess we can get married."

"Ask!" I demanded.

He was quiet.

"Ask me!"

He rewinded the movie we were watching (Cadillac Records) to the part where Beyonce sang At Last, and he held me as the whole song played. And then he said, "Will You Marry Me?"

"One day," I replied nonchalantly.


Just kidding.

Well Not Exactly

Hilarious that I've titled this blog "We Have Set The Date" because "We Have Not Set the Date" but I am (quite obviously) the type of person who puts the cart before the horse occasionally (frequently??). However, it is true that "We Have Narrowed Down the Date" and are very close to setting it.

Most importantly, he asked, and I accepted his proposal (more on that tomorrow).

He asked after the tried and true tactics of threats and coercion, which came (years!) after hints and suggestions, intermixed with subtle jabs of guilt, while alternating amazing sex with withholding. Just your typical relationship.

Jason and I have been together for almost four years and we have lived together for almost four years (yea, I know). We already run a household together, are raising a child (and a dog) together, and have purchased furniture together (cart before horse thing again). It's time to seal the deal. And let's face it, in this economy, there's really only one reason to be married: health insurance! And there's really only one way to do it: Big, splashy, and overbudget!

So here we are. I decided to blog the entire experience of planning a wedding and a life together. Stay with me til next July. I promise this will not be a typical wedding blog, but one filled with humor and likely a little pain and humiliation (see: hitting the gym!) . After all, it's not fun if you're only laughing with me, instead of also at me!

Wish me luck.